haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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