Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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