Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
NoShamevember. You game?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
