I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
