I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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