the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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