Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
