No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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