Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
