What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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