It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Im part way to drunk.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
