I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
