now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize