just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
