Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
