sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
