Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
