so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize