mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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