lets start a swedish sibling band together
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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