Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
