dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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