worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize