Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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