He told me they were just razor bumps!
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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