Don't you send me to vm
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
