Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
