ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
