you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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