If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
