Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
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Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
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I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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