we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
the raccoons are back...
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