Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
