I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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