Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
