Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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