I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
