I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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