I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
organizing the empties. That sober.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Dick very happy bro
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
