oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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