I think i sorta joined a cult last night
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
