Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
