Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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