I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
