It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
