I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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