Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
