are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
