I smell stomach acid.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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