At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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