Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
love makes seman taste better
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
