next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
