If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
