I'm going to jail i love you
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
