She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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