im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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