My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
