So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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