Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
