dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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