she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
