im having a threesome with these popsicles
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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