Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
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