I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
