someone get that fucking seahorse.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
