You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
