Girls should come with a carfax report
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
