Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
