i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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