I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
