I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
