she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
