That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
