More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
