Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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