She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
