apparently the secret to your success is patron
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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