Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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