im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
