Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
