theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
