Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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