"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
